I try to scan old pictures and add them to Flickr on weekends, and the process takes a while on our old PC so I don't get many posted at a time, but with the last batch I had a particularly good time remembering all kinds of little things that I haven't thought about in years.  (These aren't listed in chronological order, or any particular order, really)

I have been haunted all day by a dream I had last night. This is not new - for some reason I remember most of my dreams vividly for days afterward, which wouldn't suck that much except I'm prone to having nightmares basically every night. The really horrible ones can stay with me for weeks or even months, which is fun.

Last night's wasn't one of the worst ones, but it has left me with a terrible feeling of guilt that I can't seem to shake. In the dream, my mother had died, and when my uncle came to me to discuss the funeral arrangements, I told him I didn't think we should have one, because I'd already had a funeral for her a year before. It seems that the previous year I had gotten a call that my mother had passed, and right after the funeral I found out she had not really died. For some reason, I kept it a secret, and a year later she died for real. I was too humiliated from lying to everyone to have another funeral, because I didn't know how to explain that I had been keeping her to myself for a whole year.

It probably has something to do with January 20th coming up, since that will be 2 years that she has been gone. But dreaming that she didn't die is not new for me...I dream it all the time, only in lots of different scenarios. I do the same thing about Charles' brother, except when I dream about him, it's always me finding out that he didn't die in the crash, but that he has been hiding out from his horrible, wretched skank of a wife and couldn't contact anyone for fear of blowing his cover. I'm always so happy to discover him, and I can't wait to tell Charles. By the end, I'm planning ways to bring him to our house, and then arrange for his sons to come see him so that he'll never have to be around his wife again. I sure wish it was true.

I know they are both gone. I'm not actually in denial about any of it, I just wish so often that things were different that I guess I'm flooding my subconscious. Or is it sub-conscience? I have a hard time with that term. Anybody know of something I can get over the counter that allows me to sleep without dreaming?